They’re not dead, they’re doing drugs in Tel Aviv!
In truly astonishing news for fans of law, sport, monarchy, embezzling, revolution, panthers, sex offending, cars, fashion and deejaying the world over, assumed-to-be-dead celebrities Ruth Bader Ginsberg, Kobe Bryant, Princess Diana, Tina Lee, Qasem Suleimani, Chadwick Boseman, Karl Lagerfeld, Paul Walker and Avicii, have been discovered living a luxurious, drug-fuelled existence in Tel Aviv, Israel.
The motley gang were discovered this week after passersby heard strange sniffing noises and groans coming from a seemingly innocuous underground bunker, previously assumed an abandoned military shelter for decades. Turning a blind eye at first, the neighbours attempted to go about their daily business.
However, they soon found the commotion too much, and their curiosity overwhelmed them. With skyrocketing coronavirus cases in the country, and threats of a third lockdown, they knew something wasn’t quite right, and went in to investigate the problem for themselves.
What came next was… inconceivable! Hands wielding glowsticks circled the air as the uplifting trance of Avicii’s “Wake Me Up” permeated the room, the Swedish DJ riling up the crowd below him. Smoke machines began wooshing, as people’s bodies — as if possessed by the Party Phantom — began contorting in anticipation of the drop.
Read the article in Honi Soit.